...of myspace.

we no longer arrange marriages, but we have created adolescent/twentysomething dating rituals based on our hyperconnectivity and constant need for pluralistic communication. life is a constant tussel between the super individualism of the internet (some theorists use the analogy of "the museum of me") and the constant need for approval from a community of friends, peers, and pseudo-experts.

with the magical world of myspace, you don't have to wait to fall in love at first sight, or get drunk at a bar and hope you stumble into The One. these activities have fortunately not fallen by the wayside, but those of us who are picky, or shy, or control freaks can also seek out friends, "networking" (whatever THAT means), or potential lovers by any of the following:
age, gender, sexual orientation, age, height, income level, race, relationship status, interests, music, books, movies, television shows, zip code, school, place of employment, group membership, mutual friends, religion (or in my case, lack thereof), whether they smoke or drink, if they have kids, or preferred body type.

suddenly, you have a host of eligible bastards/new best friends/masturbation fodder at your passive aggressive fingertips. you can be both picky and populist. you can make fun of people's poor spelling and grammar, or their unflatteringly drunk photographs, or the fact that they want to share the results of every quiz they've ever taken with the viewers of their myspace. you can waste an entire evening looking at everyone in the "lesbians of orlando or therebouts" group(for the record, some people think new jersey and washington state are part of this geographic area) and message all the hot ones. (and no, i will not confess to having done this).

the stigma of online dating isn't there, because nearly everybody has one (also: a facebook, at least one email address and AIM account, gmail, text messaging, a livejournal or blog, ad nauseum). we are a generation of young folks attached to each other at the digital hip. when something terribly hilarious or alarmingly wonderful happens to me, sometimes my first reaction is, "with whom can i share this information?" if you like someone, you can show his/her myspace page to countless friends; there is even a convenient feature to forward someone's profile to a friend for approval or strategy formulation. you can be as anonymous as you'd like in stalking someone (not so easy when you're doing the memorized-your-schedule sort of ...erm...admiration) while still getting as many friends involved as your technology age codependence dictates.

say you get a friend request from someone you don't know. this happens rather frequently, and isn't particularly noteworthy. if you think he/she is attractive, or has good taste in music, or is the right sexual orientation, perhaps you accept. a few days later they post a bulletin you think is terribly insightful. you message them. they message you back. a week later, you're enamored of someone whose voice you've never heard. you've got mail, anyone?



now that you know this person on myspace, you have a wealth of information about them at your fingertips. you can search for mutual friends and force them to tell you everything they know about stalkee. you can google their place of employment. you can watch every movie they list as a favorite.
never again must you waste several hours, days, or weeks courting someone, only to realize they worship your least favorite band or most loathed politician. by creating a myspace you can opt to, quite literally, put it all out there.

our generation airs our dirty laundry via so many media. things that were once shameful (abuse, "deviance," family issues) are now the topic of message boards, e-support groups, chat rooms, and online communities. again, you can be simultaneously anonymous (if you so choose) and yet infinitely, pluralistically connected.

so now that your myspace crush knows all about your body image issues and intellectual insecurities, what's next?
coffee.

next in the series: how to meet someone from the internet in person without humiliating yourself!