NEWS FLASH! MySpace is a Place for Friends--Of the Devil!
Published 10 April 2006 by Danger Snatch | E-mail this post
The devilry that is MySpace is tainting kids everywhere. This newfangled trend of teenagers talking to other teenagers on "the 'Net" is taking over. Disregard the fact that your husband has been receiving virtual blowjobs from a Thai trannie on AIM since 1997. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Teenagers should be treated like gullible heirs worth billions of dollars, and they are just asking to be kidnapped by a gang of evil paparazzi who peddle kiddie porn on the side. MySpace is a breeding ground for pedophiliac paparazzi, so you should be sure to never let your child fall prey to the evil entrapment. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
On MySpace, your child can post actual pictures of himself/herself! People may actually know what your child looks like, whom there is no realistic chance of ever seeing in person because you still breastfeed them six times a day and would instantly notice if there were no teeth gnawing at your wrinkled teat, and this is unfathomable for any parent. In fact, just to be one hundred percent safe, you should never let your child leave the house because real people might actually come in contact with them. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Further, your child may be posting dangerous information such as his/her birthdate, favorite color, and, perhaps worst of all, favorite celebrity. It is all too easy for a 56-year-old man from Poughkeepsie to trick your child into thinking he is the lead singer of Fall Out Boy and that he would be willing to do a performance on her birthday while wearing a posy pink bandana around his neck if only she would just meet him at the local Hot Topic. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Don't fall for the hype. Just because your teenager is not posing provocatively in photos or tagging themselves as "HotSexyTwat4U" on their MySpace page, it does not mean that their space is not full of secret devilry. When your child posts "omgz" or offers virtual hugs and/or kisses on someone else's page, this is probably Satanist code that describes explicit instructions for marijuana-induced orgies and blood sacrifice. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Make sure your children do not fall prey to these cyber-machinations of the devil, because it may be the last thing they ever do. The only space they will have to call their own is in the fiery depths of Hell.
That is all.
Teenagers should be treated like gullible heirs worth billions of dollars, and they are just asking to be kidnapped by a gang of evil paparazzi who peddle kiddie porn on the side. MySpace is a breeding ground for pedophiliac paparazzi, so you should be sure to never let your child fall prey to the evil entrapment. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
On MySpace, your child can post actual pictures of himself/herself! People may actually know what your child looks like, whom there is no realistic chance of ever seeing in person because you still breastfeed them six times a day and would instantly notice if there were no teeth gnawing at your wrinkled teat, and this is unfathomable for any parent. In fact, just to be one hundred percent safe, you should never let your child leave the house because real people might actually come in contact with them. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Further, your child may be posting dangerous information such as his/her birthdate, favorite color, and, perhaps worst of all, favorite celebrity. It is all too easy for a 56-year-old man from Poughkeepsie to trick your child into thinking he is the lead singer of Fall Out Boy and that he would be willing to do a performance on her birthday while wearing a posy pink bandana around his neck if only she would just meet him at the local Hot Topic. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Don't fall for the hype. Just because your teenager is not posing provocatively in photos or tagging themselves as "HotSexyTwat4U" on their MySpace page, it does not mean that their space is not full of secret devilry. When your child posts "omgz" or offers virtual hugs and/or kisses on someone else's page, this is probably Satanist code that describes explicit instructions for marijuana-induced orgies and blood sacrifice. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER!
Make sure your children do not fall prey to these cyber-machinations of the devil, because it may be the last thing they ever do. The only space they will have to call their own is in the fiery depths of Hell.
That is all.
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