So here's my other end of the Conditional Monogamy spectrum: the Open Relationship.

Remember when I told you that people don't get my philosophies on relationships? This issue is where things usually tend to get annoying. If at some point in time I happen to be in an open relationship, a condescending naysayer who doesn't know the whole story and is too afraid to call me a skank-whore to my face but really wants to, as indicated by their clenched jaw, will inevitably ask, "Why would you want to be in an open relationship?" or "What is the point of being in an open relationship?"

My usual answer, dear reader, is the only answer you should have to give regarding any of your decisions that has shit to do with them: "It works for me." (You could tell them to mind their own fucking business and plant a boot squarely in their abdomen, but this is only acceptable behavior within the Five Boroughs.)

Here's how I, the Conditional Monogamist, see an Open Relationship. I don't expect my partner and I to base the better part of our sex life on having regular intercourse and swapping multiple partners who dwell outside of our Chinese Love Basket. For me, having an Open Relationship is not collecting random bedfellows while my partner ires (or derives immense enjoyment, for that matter). But I don't dictate my perferences for anyone else. In fact, Open Relationships can't be generally or statistically quantified in terms of how many partners one is alloted in a given period of time; Open Relationships depend on the private agreements of two people, who really don't need to justify their decisions to anyone but themselves (and to a lesser extent, any participating third parties).

Of course, an Open Relationship can only work if two people are like-minded in their sexual practices. Some people prefer to add multiple conditions, like a basic "don't ask, don't tell, don't bring home VD" policy. Some like to enjoy multiple partners together. Some say an Open Relationship is only okay if the other person's away for a while; some allow Open Relationships to occur in the general vicinity of where they live. It all depends on customization--what works best for both parties.

I'm not saying that strictly monogamist relationships are wrong--they can be great, and I specified earlier that I am willing and highly capable of being in one for however long it manages to work. But the fact of the matter is that each relationship entered will vary in what pushes our emotional limits; in certain cases, the issue of being sexually open hasn't been a threat to me or my partner. In others, there have been times where I would have been devastated to think of my partner with another woman. In my case, deciding whether or not to have an Open Relationship has to be played by ear.

The main rule of an Open Relationship, no matter how else the couple decides to play it, is this: no forming attachments on an emotional level. Both partners should make this clear from the outset to anyone they may decide to hook up with.
Of course, some numbnuts will ask, "Well, why risk the chances of this happening by having sex?" The fact of the matter is this: if a person is not mature enough to know that sex in itself does not formulate a foundation for any emotion other than lust/infatuation/limerence (which can and usually will fade at the drop of a hat), then they shouldn't be in any kind of relationship. Further, a person could emotionally cheat on his/her partner without ever having sex by falling in love with someone else (after all, love without sex is possible).

Open Relationships aren't for everyone, and I will never attempt to push the idea of them upon people. I can't tell you exactly for which type of person this works, and I can't promise there won't be flaws--all relationships are flawed by nature, and there are a million ways any given relationship could go wrong. My only hope is that people in Open Relationships won't be so quickly branded by close-minded notions--"to each his own" is always a nice thing to say if you want to disagree without getting roundhouse kicked in the gut.