George H.W.
OCCUPATION: 41st President of the United States, Reanimated Corpse
CLAIM TO FAME: Married to the only living survivor of the American Revolution. Invaded Panama. Invaded Iraq but withdrew. Vomited on Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa.
MOST SIGNIFICANT ACHIEVEMENT: Banned broccoli from being served on Air Force One and in the White House during State dinners. Now that's clout.






George W.
OCCUPATION: Current President of the United States,
CLAIM TO FAME: "Former" alcoholic. Governor of That State With The People With Big Hair and Cowboy Boots (NOTE: I've been to Dallas, Fort Worth, and Houston. This is a wholly validated generalization). Married a cybernetic being. Shat on The Geneva Convention. Let's not forget the little Iraq snafu and spilling the beans about classified information.
MOST SIGNIFICANT ACHIEVEMENT: The word "strategery."








John Ellis "Jeb"
OCCUPATION: Governor of Florida. Fat, Ugly Son Who Didn't Get as Much Love From Barbara as George Did So Expresses His Frustration By Being a Total Asshole
CLAIM TO FAME: Made Florida education system worse. Shamed the family by becoming a dirty, dirty Catholic. Exercised his belief in pro-life by trying to keep Terri Schiavo on a feeding tube.
MOST SIGNIFICANT ACHIEVEMENT: Sat on his haunches while four hurricanes wrecked parts of Florida and let FEMA take care of incompetence.




Neil
OCCUPATION: Texas businessman. Ironically nicknamed "Mr. Perfect" by his siblings.
CLAIM TO FAME: Ran Silverado Savings & Loan into the ground. Gets paid a $60,000 yearly consulting fee by Crest Investments for answering phone calls. Admittedly solicited sex from no less than four Thai and Hong Kong hookers (although he claimed that it was not for a fee). Allegedly fathered a child with one of his mother's correspondence aides, but evaded a paternity test.
MOST SIGNIFICANT ACHIEVEMENT: E-mailed his wife of twenty-two years to tell her he no longer loved her and wanted a divorce. And they say chivalry is dead.




Marvin
OCCUPATION: Portfolio manager and co-founder of Winston Capital Management.
CLAIM TO FAME: As director of Securacom/Stratesec, coincidentally ended a security contract for the World Trade Center on September 10, 2001. Mysteriously found a long-time babysitter crushed to death by her own car in the driveway in front of his family home.
MOST SIGNIFICANT ACHIEVEMENT: Not sure yet, but it probably involves some freak murder/accident.






And let's not forget the lovely offspring of these wonderful men:

Jenna and Barbara, the first twins, engaging in one of their allegedly regular displays of intoxicated shenanigans:



Here's a mugshot of Noelle (daughter of Jeb) after being booked in Florida for trying to score Xanax:



And perhaps my worst nightmare: Lauren (daughter of Neil), looking like nothing other than a Rollins-esque snob destined for a life of quaalude-filled hausfraudom.