(Blogger's note: My grandmother used to say that to me all the time. I have no clue what it means, but there are more nonsensical similes/metaphors/analogies in this post.)

One can only wonder how such a significant, historic meeting as the one that occurred between village idiot President George W. Bush and Chinese distraction President Hu Jintao could have possibly been so anticlimactic. With a list of important issues to discuss, such as globalization of trade, the War on Terror (AKA The Great Fiasco), and nuclear arsenals.


This morning, I read the official White House transcript of Dubya's speech. It droned on and on like one of those CultureGram projects your seventh grade geography teacher gives you when you're supposed to pretend like you've been to Estonia or Albania or Indonesia but you really don't learn shit about the culture from a packet so you end up sounding like you're reading from the damn paper anyway.


Intially, George drones on (with what could only have been derived from a middle school World Cultures project that he hijacked from a White House staffer's kid) about his idealistic hope that China becomes "a responsible member of the international economic system and a responsible member of the World Trade Organization" (better be careful what you wish for--if our economy doesn't get back on track soon, Dubya, you may just find yourself looking back at this and shaking your head).

As I expected, Dubya quickly spins his agenda around to "threats to global security." His list:
"The nuclear ambitions of Iran;
the genocide in Darfur, Sudan;
the violence unleashed by terrorists and extremists; and
the proliferations of the weapons of mass destruction."

I'm not denying that in some respects these seem like important global issues. Coming from Trigger Happy George's mouth, however, it sounds like he's rattling off a multiple choice that he made up the night before:
"Which of these things is not like the others?
A) Britney Spears;
B) people who actually need my help but my administration put this on the back burner because photos of shaking hands with a goddamn Commie chink progressive Asian leader is more important for my image as an accepting world leader, and furthermore all our troops are babysitting Iraqis instead of being available to help the people who suffer in Darfur;
C) Jessica Simpson; or
D) Lindsay Lohan.
(I'm sure George Dubya would pick C, because she, unlike the others, is a natural blonde.)

Anyway, I can't help that this meeting was forged in order to appease the global forum in some part, because Bob knows we could use the public relations bonanza. So we try to prove that America (whom, if the world stage were the current season American Idol, would play the role of that one stupid Southern blonde girl who pretends to be absolutely dumb but you can see in her eyes that she knows exactly what she's doing and has a contingency plan to shank and even murder that cute Rainbow Brite black girl and the brunette who actually has talent if she needs to) can condescend play nice with controversial countries after having stamped our boots all over the Middle East. Why aren't we intervening where it makes sense (i.e. Darfur)? I can only suppose that would be like deciding to shoot five innocents and one murderous criminal, then asking to only be held accountable for taking out the bad guy.

So I guess I should feel good about the United States' efforts to connect diplomatically with China. As unlearned as I am about diplomatic procedures, though, my gut (which is grumbling from an all you can eat fete at 'Ohana's) is telling me that this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship--one that allows Dubya easy access to 1.3 billion allies and back door access to Kim Jong Il's house.

Oh, and please educate yourself on the situation in Darfur. It's really worth a look, and worth your concern. (SaveDarfur.org)